Second Wind

At the Confirmation Retreat I attended on January 5-7 of this year as a volunteer, I wound up learning as much of the kids. I had harbored a resentment against God for losing my dad up until that point, and I didn't trust his plan for my life. My rationale was, "what were you thinking?!!? if You completely turned my life completely inside out, taken away almost everything I hold dear. Why on earth would I trust You with anything else?" The resentment I harbored wasn't based in anger... It was even worse. It was based in disappointment and sadness. But at the Confirmation Retreat, we had a very special ceremony for our 6th graders who are going to be confirmed here on April 6th. Each of the children's parents hand wrote them letters about how much they love them and how they've prayed for them since the moment of conception to come to find Christ. Before we gave them the letters, the exec. pastor of our church sat down with our kids and explained the death and ressurection of Christ in vivid detail. Then we went and sat around a campfire and the kids were encouraged to think about what we talked about because we were all (including the staff) very emotional. At any rate, the kids were in a melancholy mood and weren't very social or talkative anyway. After that, we walked back to the cabin (we were staying at a camp retreat here in Birmingham). I remember walking in before the kids, and it was like as soon as the door open and I stepped inside, I felt the Holy Spirit there. I've never felt anything like it before, but later I found that other people felt the same way. I feel that to each person, it felt different. To me, it was this overwhelming sense of love and comfort that immediately drove me to tears. I've never felt anything like it before. I felt all of those walls that had built up towards God crumble in one fell swoop, and what was once an angry, dull ache that simmered under the surface burst into this feeling that I had been stabbed in the chest. As I prayed for the kids who were recieving the letters from their parents at this point, The Comforter began to work through the pain I felt. I won't say I began to make sense of things or that I was healed, but I looked my monsters in the face and acknowledged them. I was being looked in the face by God, who is Kindness, Mercy, and Compassion, and He told me it was time to come home. Not in the sense of dying and going to Heaven, but in the sense that I've been a prodigal long enough and that it was time to give it up. When my argument was that I was sick of hearing the cliche that He had a plan for all of this and I just couldn't see it, I was gently reminded that sometimes those cliches are what they are because they're the truth. All I had to do was close my eyes and fall into his plan unabashedly, and the peices would fall into place.

Ever since that night, I have developed this hunger and thirst for anything the Lord can show me. I started doing a Beth Moore study in February with other girls my age, and it has opened a lot of doors and shown me a lot of scripture that I didn't even know was there. Every time I read it, it had a profound affect on me and little by little, has changed my life.

So, introducing the purpose of this blog, these are my favorite Bible verses I've discovered recently:

Exodus 34:9
"The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thosands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin."
(God said this about himself to Moses)

Daniel 2:20-23
"Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him. I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers: You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what we asked of you, you have made known to us the dream of the king."
(Daniel praising God)

1 Corinthians 4:1-4,6-18
"Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Mark 10:42-45
"Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

1 Peter 5:6
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."